The following is a guest blog by my friend, Sytze B. He is a Dutch man, currently living in Egypt, in a town along the Red Sea. Beautiful location. I appreciate Sytze’s sobriety… his commitment, his focus and his progress. These are his words…
“We are here to be challenged” I read once. I believe this is true.
A month ago, I felt at peace and at ease. I had hope, trust, felt spiritually balanced, was surrounded by inspiring people. I felt safe. I felt the purpose.
Then my world got shaken up. Change, emotions, obsessions, insecurity, jealousy, lust, anger, happiness,pain, energy, became part of my day. I never learned how to deal with these things and the longer I am sober the more I realize how sensitive I am. Most of my life I would manipulate these feelings and mold them into something I could accept. I still do. I have become a master in it. I use drugs, alcohol, internet, sex, attention, sports, music, work or even denial, not to feel.
I guess this behavior is all based on fear, fear of emotional pain, fear of emptiness. I am losing that, now that I am growing up.
All these things are soothing, they numb the pain and sometimes its great fun as well. But it doesn’t heal. A painkiller numbs the pain but doesn’t solve the problem. And this is what happens to me, by temporarily numbing the symptoms
I keep running into the same issues over and over. Without progress.
I am learning now that, in order to move on, I need to change my patterns. In order to grow I need to look within. Not to be free of trouble, fuck no! Who would want that?! But to be better able to deal with it. To be free!
No matter how much money, drugs or sex you have, eventually you will get bored and you will see the emptiness and loneliness.
Happiness, freedom, joy, it is within each of us. We just need to unlock it. Fearless.
Thank you, my friend.